‘Twas the night before my embryo transfer, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse…
It’s 9:09pm and John and Zaccai are fast asleep.
I had this idea that my second round of IVF would be different. I wanted to have a large calendar posted for these two months and write down all my appointments and when to take medications and do injections. Instead, I had no idea when anything was and John had to tell me. I even forgot my meds a couple times. *face palm* For every injection, I planned to put on calming music, light a candle, set our intentions, blah blah. I definitely stabbed myself or had John stab me so quick as I had to rush to work after the whirlwind of getting ready every morning. I wanted to consistently blog throughout the process, but this is my first actual entry. I thought about doing acupuncture and the super strict anti-candida diet again, but I didn’t.
A great thing about this time around is that Zaccai was a huge part of my journey! I was unsure if I was ready to do this and when my medications arrived in the mail, I had a breakdown. But Zaccai was there to look at all the syringes and medications with me and he asked me to go outside to see the moon in the dark up in the sky when I was crying. We had a beautiful moment with him nestled into me as we looked at the moon still with tears running down my face. He also took part in the belly injections when he was awake early. He watched the injections happen, would look intently at my face, and would put his head on my belly and touch or massage the injection site afterwards on his own. The butt shots still suck. The steroids make me nauseous. What will be, will be.
I got sick recently — runny nose, sore throat, a fever for a day, tested negative (seems necessary to say), and I freaked out that the fever would cause the embryo transfer to not be successful and the embryo would die. Then when I felt better, I freaked out that the embryo transfer would be successful and pregnancy would be hard and the big ‘what if’ I have PPD/PPA again came to mind. Needless to say, it’s been an emotional/hormonal roller coaster. And I just need to chill.
This is not my best writing, but hey… tired mom, working full-time, doing IVF… if I gave 70% and all my 70%, I actually gave 100%. Thankful for the required antibiotics that are part of my protocol by the way. I feel better.
We will be going to get Zaccai’s sibling tomorrow! We’re coming for you, embaby! See you in T-minus 13 hours!