We had our confirming ultrasound and were so relieved baby has a heartbeat! ❤️
I told my doctor, “Omg! I’m pregnant!” 😅 Now we can stop worrying! Hah yeah right. 😑 I’ve been waiting for the moment when I feel excited about being pregnant to post about my feelings, but that excitement hasn’t come yet. It seems like everyone else is exponentially more excited than I am. Trying to get pregnant for exactly two years has taken a toll on me. I didn’t realize how heavy it actually is/was until now. I feel fear, anxiety, and first trimester nausea and almost zero excitement.
I recently read someone write that it doesn’t matter how excited you are – a little excited, mildly excited, super excited – if something goes wrong, the pain won’t be any less. That was like a slap in my face to wake up. I need to celebrate each small milestone as we reach them. I may only have the mental capacity to look hopefully forward to our next appointment and no further into the future, but I refuse to let anxiety steal my joy.
So today, I’m happy that I’m nauseous. It means I’m still pregnant. Today, I’m happy I have to do butt shot #43, even though I cried during butt shot #41. It means I’m still pregnant.